Akatsuki Playtime
by skidtick
Summary: The Rookie Nine have always thought joining the Akatsuki to be an extremely awesome idea. Knowing that they'll never be able to, they come up with the next best thing. Pre-Shippuden.


A/N

This is somewhat of a cracky fic.

Sasuke is acting his age for once.

Please Read and Review!

**Akatsuki Playtime**

"Alright!" Naruto yelled, voice disturbing what once was a beautiful peaceful forest as he pumped his fist into the air. "Our first joint training session! And heheh, isn't it great that we get to do this without any of the senseis?"

Team Kurenai, Team Asuma and of course Team Kakashi, were gathered in a small grass clearing in some unnamed forest at the edge of some unnamed village. Their expressions clearly stated that this little meeting was anything but "great".

It was a thing all their teachers had organized, a nice holiday in a regular village. But now, Naruto had convinced all of them to have a training session with him.

It did not take that much persuasion though.

Hinata would follow him wherever he went, and because she would, Kiba and Shino would tag along. Sakura agreed because Naruto told her Sasuke would be there and Sasuke agreed because it seemed everybody else would be there. Because Sakura was there, Ino decided to join her best friend. And then, Shikamaru and Chouji came because Ino yelled at them until they said yes.

Admittedly, Naruto just wanted to train with them to show them that really, he was an extremely awesome shinobi.

"Eh, this seems so troublesome," Shikamaru sighed, walking over to a tree. He slumped down. The forest canopy was thick enough that no clouds could be seen.

The sunlight, while diluted still cast a warm glow over the group and Naruto's "training session" was destined to result in everybody just lazing around on the soft grass.

The more hyper Kiba however, left with Akamaru to go exploring.

Lazing in the sun, while good fun of sorts, did nothing to cure the restlessness that had sunk into his bones after being away from any real danger or mission for the past few weeks.

"Akamaru," he sighed at the small dog that snapped at his ankles playfully. "It really is boring isn't it? We're probably out of practice by now."

Kiba yawned, his hands tucked behind his head.

Just then, the snap of a twig and the feeling of being watched caused him to spin around, kunai in hand as his sharp eyes scanned the surrounding foliage. Akamaru tensed, on alert.

"Uh-uhm… sorry… Kiba-kun? It's j-just me," came a stutter as a small petite figure emerged from what had seemed to be threatening shadows.

"Hinata! Don't go sneaking up on us like that," Kiba snapped, annoyed that she was able to get quite close without him noticing. Man, he really was out of practice.

Hinata flushed, face pointed towards the ground. It was a rather uninteresting ground even with her feet in the picture.

"Eh? Something wrong Hinata?" Kiba looked around, relaxing his tone of voice, a bit abashed that he had snapped at Hinata of all people. She was too sensitive. "Why aren't you with Naruto?"

The redness of Hinata's face grew at the mention of her "secret" crush. It was easy to see, the flush of blood against her pale cheek.

"U-um, I saw you l-leave s-so I deci-decided to f-follow."

Kiba turned away from her and started walking.

"Come on then, me and Akamaru are just exploring," he looked over his shoulder at her with a grin. "Sure we could use some extra company, Hinata."

A bit relieved at not gaining Kiba's animosity, Hinata followed him cautiously.

They had only been strolling for about two to five minutes when an old shack came into view. Moss grew up from its edges and the whole thing resonated with an "Evil Shack of Doom" feel.

"Hinata, this place seems to have an Evil Shack of Doom feel."

"Y-you're right… maybe w-we should g-go back?" Her voice was pleading as Hinata looked side to side with unease. Her feet shuffled uncomfortably from the sheer feel of Doom that saturated the shack. She had half a mind to activate the Byakugan.

Kiba walked in.

After a moment hesitation, Hinata followed.

"Whoah, now this is awesome!"

A bit concerned if interested, Hinata turned one dust filled corner to find Kiba rummaging through what seemed to be a cupboard. For some reason, the cupboard was blood stained with funny marks of a triangle inscribed in a circle on it. On a shelf seemed to be one of those orange books Kakashi-sensei loved to read. Next to it, a kunai was lodged into the hard wood. On the ceiling seemed to be a small bird of clay, hanging dejectedly. A small doll that looked like Sasuke-kun lay on the floor. An old puppet shell peeked out from under a canvas.

Weird.

She looked again at Kiba to find him holding a black cloak, with stylized red kinda cutesy clouds on the rough fabric.

Oh God.

Hinata just realized where they were. But, she glanced around the room noticing how very dusty everything was. Either the hide-out had not been occupied for some time, or s-rank criminals just sucked at cleaning.

She was tempted to believe the latter.

"Kiba-kun! Let's g-get out of h-here!"

Kiba knew what treasure trove they had stumbled upon as well.

"Hinata, relax. Does it look like anyone has been here for awhile? Come on, let's go get the others!"

X.X.X

Two figures watched from the shadows as eight genins, a dog and one chunin marched into the old wooden shack.

"Shit, how are we suppose to get the spare cloaks back now?" the taller figure said. He didn't mention that it was he who had forgotten to take them along in the first place as they moved the main base's location.

"We wait," the smaller figure said.

"Hah, you're right, they'll be out soon to fetch some higher authority to deal with it, and then we can just make a quick snatch."

The smaller figure stayed silent. He didn't talk much and his taller partner was used to it.

"Hey, Itachi-san, didn't you leave your Sasuke doll back in there?"

X.X.X

"Dude, why the hell is there a doll of Sasuke on the floor?"

"That's… kinda… creepy."

"Hn."

"Sakura-chan, you sure you didn't drop it?"

"Idiot! What makes you think I carry a doll of Sasuke-kun with me?"

_I left it back in my room._

By now, each one of the rookies had draped the expensive feeling cloaks over their shoulders and feeling very badass about it.

They looked a bit comical, sleeves trailing far longer than they should be and hems dragging across the floor in an undignified manner.

"Ha! Check me out! I'm an s-rank criminal!"

"Yeah, shut it Naruto," Kiba said, fangs glinting in the dim light. Akamaru peeked out from the wide neck of the uniform. "As you can see, I am clearly more s-rank than you."

"Hah!" Sakura replied to the two, "Both of you are mistaken. I out s-rank all of you!"

Akamaru looked left out. That was why no matter how s-rank and uber Kiba, Sakura and Naruto thought they were, they decided to let Akamaru be the Akatsuki's head boss.

Nobody can resist the sad face of a puppy.

Then, that task complete, the three genins began arguing one who was the most s-rank out of all of them.

This resulted in a small mock battle between the "members" of Akatsuki.

"I call the shark!" Naruto said.

"Fine, then I'm the red eyed dude," Kiba said.

Those were the only two members that everyone knew about.

"Um, then I'm the shark!"

"Sakura, Naruto is already the shark," Kiba pointed out. "There's only one shark."

"Ever heard of Kage-Bunshin idiot?" she snapped, unhappy to be left out in what would definitely be a "battle" of epic proportions.

"Only Naruto can do that," Kiba argued, determined to use this battle to get back at Naruto from the Chunin Exams, and so leaving Sakura out of it.

"Fine, then Naruto can be the copy! I can be the real thing!" Sakura sniffed.

Naruto grinned unexpectedly. "Heheh, fine Sakura… if you're the shark, does that mean you have two peni-

X.X.X

Elite ninja hearing allowed Kisame and Itachi to hear every conversation that took place in that shack.

"Do they really?"

"Huh?" Kisame said, wincing as the sounds of someone being beaten up drifted to his ears. Normally that wouldn't have affected him but he heard… squishing noises.

"Have two-

"They're called claspers, and while sharks have them, I don't," Kisame interrupted. Oh, the awkwardness of having a straight-forward partner like Itachi.

"Hn."

X.X.X

_Damn, _Shikamaru thought after being forced into one of the cloaks by Ino. _I… I'm actually feeling badass…_

His lazy feeling seemed to be sucked up by the sheer awesomeness of the Akatsuki uniform and he silently despaired. Still, he moved to a corner to slump down, with his famous apathetic look on his face. No way in hell is anyone ever going to find him feeling badass.

He was joined by Hinata and Shino, looking dejected in their Akatsuki cloaks. Hinata had Kisame's cloak which was the biggest and so trailed around her like a wedding dress.

Shino felt the cloak actually hid his bugs better than his current clothes… maybe he should be thinking of a fashion change.

Markers were handed around as the rookies made a black slash across their Hitai-ates for the whole look of the thing.

Ino and Sakura were fussing over "how this cloak makes me look fat" and also "Sasuke-kun! What do you think? Are we pretty?" Chouji thought of how thin the cloak actually made him look thin and went over to sit by Shikamaru. He tried to calculate how many potato chips and snacks the oversized Akatsuki cloak could accommodate.

Sasuke himself, stood adorned in what was ironically Itachi's cloak. An aura of sheer hatred and doom seemed to radiate from his eyes as they spun into sharingans.

Nobody was stupid enough to say "Hey Sasuke, did anyone tell you how much you look like your brother?"

Slowly, the Uchiha prodigy bent and picked up the doll made in his image. Red eyes stared heatedly in it.

"Sasuke," Sasuke said monotonously, addressing the doll as though he were Itachi.

"The reason why I left the clan, was because after seeing you, I realized something. I… lacked… your sheer awesomeness."

Sasuke felt better about himself already.

Behold, a new form of therapy!

Then, flipping the doll over his shoulders, he moved to examine the rest of the room. The cloak was actually pretty comfortable, Sasuke felt. He liked wide collared shirts, so screw practicality.

His choice in blue shirts was a testimony to this important philosophy of his.

X.X.X

"Really Itachi? You left because your brother was just too awesome?"

Itachi did not have to look at Kisame's face to know that he was grinning.

The shorter man was silent, but this time it was the silence of extreme annoyance.

Kisame tsked.

"Touchy, touchy…"

"Says the person who is now being portrayed by a pink haired female."

X.X.X

"Hahaha! Cower for I am now Shark Man! Be prepared to be eaten!" Sakura said, apparently rather heavily under the influence of Inner Sakura.

And so, Naruto, Kiba and Sakura held a very truly epic battle between Shark Man, Shark Man Copy and Laser Man.

It disintegrated into an argument though, when Naruto claimed that Kiba using super Sharingan laser eyes was cheating.

The argument turned into a full proper fight though when Sakura, much to Kisame's annoyance as she was the one who was supposed to be "him" yelled out: Super Female Power Punch no Jutsu!

That was in response to Kiba saying that things didn't have to make sense because Sakura playing Shark Man was clearly a sign of she-maleness.

Pink hair flying, the kunoichi leapt on Kiba to attempt to beat him to death with Shark Man's special ability of Super Female Power Punch no Jutsu.

X.X.X

"How odd Kisame…"

"Shut up."

"…I didn't know you had a jutsu like that."

"Go screw yourself Itachi and to hell with your Sharingan laser eyes. That's cheating"

X.X.X

Eventually, the old shack fell apart.

Sakura, in launching herself at Kiba, kicked Ino in the head who got annoyed and accidentally tipped Shikamaru over from his spot.

Shikamaru then hit Chouji, who rolled into Shino who then knocked over Hinata like some strange domino effect.

Hinata squealed at the sudden impact, which distracted Naruto who got knocked over by one of Kiba's attacks meant for Sakura. He knocked into Sasuke who then proceeded to chidori the shack to the ground as deep in his fantasy world with the Sasuke plush, thought that Itachi was attacking him.

X.X.X

"They're utterly unconcerned on how a former Akatsuki hide-out could help with their defences and limited intel!" Kisame said, incredulous as he stood on the wreckage of the shack.

All nine rookies had gone away squabbling, cloaks tucked in hands, and Hitai-ate's wiped clean of marker. It was very clear they were not going to report what they found.

"And they stole all our fucking spare cloaks!"

Itachi was silent.

"Kakuzu is going to be pissed," Kisame mused, brief flash of incredulous anger already gone in face of his partner's apathy.

Itachi was more silent than usual.

"Itachi-san, something wrong?"

"Sasuke… he took my Sasuke doll with him."

X.X.X

And so, everybody's lives went back to normal though Kakuzu had three heart attacks when he learned what the replacement costs for the spare cloaks would be.

Sasuke found talking to the doll a really good form of therapy.

Also, Shino began wearing the Akatsuki cloak because really, it hid his bugs quite well and did wonders for his jutsu.

He kept wearing it until Kurenai asked him to stop.

X.X.X

A/N

Ah, this is an extremely hectic piece I have to admit. Even worse than how Girl Talk was methinks.

Still, do me a favour and drop a review?

Doesn't matter if it is just one word!

Please review!


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